Why Must You Go?

Author’s Note: This is a short creative piece about a girl that loses her father in car accident. The story takes place right as the funeral is about to start. It is about how she wants to remember him not her last dismantled sight of him.

Seeing the old rusted red car on top on a even more red cover body, didn't seem real. What seemed even more impossible is that my dad was the figure cover in even more red blood. I could see the bones from his leg racing from his skin, breaking the gentle flesh. I have replayed this scene in my head thousands of time since the horrible day. How could this be my dad? Just how? Going from the man who willingly picked me up from school everyday, and if he was in a good mood took me to get ice cream. We would always talk about basketball, it was our way of bonding.

Looking down upon the cherry red Cassatt, I don't want to remember him like this. His pale white skin, cold to the touch. His once the greenest of green eyes now closed. My eyes fight through the tears and they wind down to see that he is wearing his new Nike's that I had bought him for his birthday. I swore I could feel my heart break into two once I saw those little shoes. Meaning nothing to others but meaning everything to me.  I don't want to remember him in this ghost like state, I want to remember the wonderful father I have loved with all my heart since the first day I was born. I have always been a daddy's girl, no doubt about that.

Thinking back to the time he taught me to throw a baseball, I was 4. The mitt and ball were to big for my stubby little fingers and hands. I was wearing my dads red baseball cap and blue jeans. With my blonde hair blowing with the slight breeze I can remember seeing my dads wonderful smile. His was bigger and brighter than most. I always wanted a smile like his, one to be proud of. I could have gone on forever thinking back to the memories with my dad, but I was interrupted by the sounds of a man with a nice, but loud voice. " Please take your seat we are about to begin." He said sweetly not trying to push me to fast. As I limped down the walkway with my crunches and leg in a cast all I could think was " Why didn't dad break his leg instead of me? Why couldn't I be the one to die? Why must you go? Why?"  Then I took a seat in a row next to my mom and for the first time it felt like he was really gone, tears could be seen on everyone's faces. Me, my eyes stayed dry, knowing that my dad wouldn't want people crying for him, I wouldn't. Sitting there in the silence I swear you could hear my insides being ripped apart by the pain of losing him.